Day 13

It stings when you found out, after trying to help on a tech-related stuff, that somebody whom you considered friend blocked you, probably because of the last argumement with him quite frankly going too far with his, according to his own words, jokes towards you, doesn't it? Of course I am miffed about it. Who wouldn't?

Funnily enough, there was a pretty big drama recently with a popular person being outed for saying some really despicable racist jokes in private, then doubled down on defending their own actions publicly. I've seen quite a lot of people saying they thought they knew the person, but the evidence and the person's subsequent actions suggest otherwise, which made them feel shocked, disappointed and, in some cases, angry as a result.

You know what? I feel the exact same way with that "friend". In fact, while I'm at it why not also lump in some other people from the same social circle? I just realized they never even bothered to apologise for going overboard with their jokes when I've expressed actual discomfort. Sure, you can't usually tell through text sometimes, but I think I have been direct enough.

I don't know why, but I, frankly, feel slighted by those same people. I'm fine with being made fun of as some sort of meme, but is it really that hard to just ask to respect my own wishes when things go too far for my own comfort? Do I really, really have to go full on nuclear just so I could earn back a tiny bit of my dignity?

Apparently, to some of them, because I am from a somewhat privileged family, I deserve to be made fun of all the time for their own satisfaction. To those kinds of people, I am going to say what the fuck do you know exactly about my own background?

Look, if you think that privileged people should be shamed for not helping out other fellow humans at all or in a way that ends up benefitting them more than who they helped out, then go ahead, I totally support doing that, especially to the billionaires, but I am not even close to being a millionaire. There's only so much I can do before it starts going into the territory of straining my relationship with my family and eating a large chunk of my savings to the point of throwing out self-preseverance. It's a completely different story for the ultrarich, because neither of what I said will even put a dent to their wellbeing, so please don't lump me in with them.

I already had to deal with feeling guilty about being privileged for years, I don't need you to constantly remind me of it through any means. I just want to fit in, do NOT try to use my background to try to fucking separate me from the rest of the crowd just because. I absolutely hate standing out for being privileged instead of me as a person. I've had to attend therapy sessions in secret because of family stigma against mental illness, and I've always struggled with feeling utterly useless to the society because of my procrastination issues, laziness, exacerbated by seeing others working even harder than me yet living from paycheck to paycheck, to the point where I've contemplated suicide. No, you don't know shit about me.

I'm a goddamn human, just because I am bad at describing it doesn't mean I am fucking blind to what others go through. I will help others out as much as I can mentally handle if it means making others feel happy or fighting for something I truly believe in, and even if it means sacrificing some of my comfort and wellbeing, because I am a fellow human being, not some fucking alien living in his own bubble. I genuinely care about what others go through, I am not some cold-blooded bastard.

I deserve some fucking dignity and respect as a human being.


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