Day 7

Never thought I'd recover this quickly from day 6 at all. Hell, I even managed to recover ridiculously fast today after finding out N blocked me on his older, abandoned Twitter account while I was digging through his stuff for the day 6 friend's birthday gift.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't shocked and got pretty anxious when I found that out, but since I was in the middle of talking with him I immediately told him about it and he unblocked me on his old account afterwards. Sure, I could have stayed here wondering why did he block me in the first place, and I had a good idea when and why it happened, but I am not going to let the past and the morbid curiousity of why consume me again. I trust N, and how he thinks of me right now. Fuck it, past made me who I am now but it does not define who I am, it feels so goddamn good to let go of dwelling in the past this time and be able to trust that my friends do care about me, even if we don't end up talking that much.

Although I do have to mention that I've been feeling somewhat anxious around the same time as the past 2 days again, and I know exactly why it got triggered; creeping through N's Twitter profiles again (though this time I actually need to do that to get the stuff I need for the gift). But, he straight up told me he doesn't mind me doing that anyways since it's public, so I am consciously not too worried. I guess it's going to take some time for my subconscious mind to get used to doing that and not feel anxious out of nowhere again.

Aside from all this, my day has gone pretty well! I finished another session of therapy again and this time, she introduced me to what's called a thought record table, which is supposed to help me think through a scenario in multiple angles before coming to a more realistic conclusion, and some advices for sleep hygiene for me to fix my sleep schedule. I should try doing the table thingy tomorrow.


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