June 22, 2021•1,102 words
Think of this scenario. Imagine that you've known somebody for almost 2 years and talked with for almost every day, and suddenly for reasons you can and can't explain, you start to feel unfamiliar with that person, because something about him has changed for the worse. That is me at this very moment.
It might be just to me exclusively or to others, but as far as our interactions go, he's getting more and more (passive) aggressive towards me and much more closed off from me about his problems than usual, whatever the hell the reasons are.
With how rapidly he's changing to the point where I straight up could not understand him, let alone trying to get into his mind to figure out whatever the fuck is he possibly going through, I told him that I am honestly scared for him. Guess what happened?
He just shuts me down by telling me to 'quit it'.
I called him out for acting aggressive, and he just told me he's fine moments later. Now, I am going to try to do some form of analysis on what I think about this, and it could easily be interpreted as me overthinking, which I'll admit I am quite prone to, but I can assure you dear reader that I am not, so please bear with me.
If I am to take his words on paper, then perhaps I have been acting a bit too negatively towards him and it's directly contributing to his bad mood. Perhaps this is what he meant when he said 'drama'. If that is the case, I wish he could have been more direct about this, but sure, I'll stop doing it regardless.
But from what I've known about what's going on with him, which I won't reveal for the sake of privacy, it just doesn't seem to match up. This is the very first time in almost 2 years since I've known him that I could feel that something is off about him compared to his usual self.
Either way, it's pointless since he just won't open up, I can't help him anyways even if I want to.
Obviously, I'd prefer to not have this scenario play out at all, but if for some reasons you, the person I was referring to this whole time, managed to find and read this, how about let me go through what you said to me at face value and respond it back? I don't even know if you mean all of what you said let alone your tone, but this is how I interpret it, so feel free to correct me.
Passive aggressively telling me that you'd rather not have drama during your own break? Sure, those drama you call are indeed me overthinking without any substantial evidence. That is my fault, I'll take that. No, you don't have to open up to me when I'm asking questions out of curiosity, and I'll make it clear again. I just want to check in and see how you're doing or why you're doing things a certain way, but if you don't want to say it, just say it, don't aggressively tell me that you don't have to explain myself to me. Same for your replies of me asking you whether you're going to sleep or not.
Like I said earlier, I don't even know what kind of tone are you going for so correct me if you will, but that whole thing read quite passive aggressive to me, and I very much do not like it one bit.
If you couldn't tell it, I am frankly angry with how aggressive you decided to reply to me with some of the topics I've been talking to you. Do you think all this is just me overthinking? Like I said, feel free to correct me. But as far as my interpretations go, I can very much assure you that I am not overthinking about all this.
I'm also frustrated that you refuse to open up about what you're going through, especially since you decided to acknowledge that there was something going on then proceed to dismiss it by saying you're fine. Maybe you really are fine this time, what do I fucking know? But that has happened before with you consistently assuring me that you're fine before venting to me, which by the way I very much prefer that you do that to anyone you trust, perhaps even instead of me.
Sure, there used to be a period where I worry too much about you too much when you were just busy with your assignments and there really was nothing, but I've long moved on from it, that and the fact that you're currently on break. This is not me worrying about you too much, this is me worrying about you with actual reasons.
Not like me saying all this is going to change your mind about it, would it? All I ask for this one is for you to open up and talk to the person that we both know who I'm referring to.
Since for the past few days, almost every time I open up my mouth, you're probably going to see them as 'drama', and those are literally the only topics I could think of these past few days to attempt to even connect with you because you're trying to be careful with how you spend your limited energy these days, I'll grant you your wish of getting to relax without those 'drama' by not saying anything.
Feel free to reach out to me by the time you feel better and more energetic, or wants to vent or otherwise open up to me, or whatever else you have in your mind. Hell, even cutting me off wouldn't be off the table, but you already told me that you don't have the intention, so I'll just leave this whole paragraph as is.
Even if this is going off on the tangent, just for the sake of ending this article, I am going to say that you're still the closest person I could ever have and I still very much care about you, but I'm frankly relying on you way too much, and I think you'd agree. It's about time I start trying to reach out to other people instead, it's healthier for me this way.
To any third parties who might have an idea of who exactly I'm talking about, I ask you to please not approach him about this and just leave him alone, as well as keeping his privacy intact.